It's Good to Die Loved
by Hopeakaarme
Summary: Remus took a hit meant for Severus. He also realizes why exactly he did it because he's in love with Severus. Now he feels warm, safe, and loved. It's good to die loved. SLASH SSRL


Title: Good to Die Loved  
  
Author: Draconn Malfoy  
  
Summary: Remus took a hit meant for Severus. He also realizes why exactly he did it - because he's in love with Severus. Now he feels warm, safe, and loved.  
  
It's good to die loved.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
A/N: And so it's proved again. My inability to write a nice, fluffy piece of fanfic without some amount of angst. And in this, it isn't just some.  
  
Maybe I'm just destined to write fluffy angst and angsty fluff for the rest of my life.  
  
Character death.  
  
***  
  
Good to Die Loved  
  
*  
  
"You shouldn't have done that," you say, and your voice is soft with tears you're holding back.  
  
I force my lips to a little smile. "Oh, yes," I whisper. "That's just what I had to do."  
  
"For Merlin's sake, Lupin, what were you thinking?" you ask, your voice desperate, looking like you wanted to shake my senses back to me but don't dare to risk moving me like that. "What were you thinking?"  
  
I can't answer that, since now I know I didn't think. At least I can't recall doing it. I didn't plan it, didn't want it, I didn't even have time to think about it.  
  
I remember it well now. Bellatrix, raising her hand, metal flickering in the light. Then she threw the dagger, knowing very well that your shield, your shield that protected you from any curses, could do nothing against the weapon. It was aimed at your heart, I saw it. And it would have hit it.  
  
If I hadn't stepped in front of you.  
  
I remember all that. I saw the life shining on the blade, and the flick of her wrist as she threw it flying through the air. Then I felt my feet moving, not on my own will but something other, like someone was pulling me there.  
  
The next thing I knew was that the deadly knife hit me, sank just between my ribs with a sickening sound.  
  
Then I fell to the ground, and I can still see Bellatrix's eyes, her eyes full of astonishment and surprise, before the flash of light, caused by your curse. Hits her and makes her fly to the air and drop lifelessly on the ground.  
  
The flash was green. She won't wake up.  
  
Then you knelt next to me, not caring what might happen to you. You were lucky that the fight was already ending, that there were no more Death Eaters that might have hurt you. But you didn't care, you only cared about me.  
  
Merlin, it felt good.  
  
I felt so warm as you knelt down, as you gently lifted my head to your lap. I looked you in the eye, and I saw shock there, shock and sorrow greater than I might have thought to see there.  
  
"The dagger is silver," you whispered, your voice hoarse with held-back tears. "You will die."  
  
"I know," I said, unable to prevent the slight chuckle in my voice. "I know I will die."  
  
Now your saying it again. "You're going to die," you say softly, wiping gently the blood off the wound. You had immediately pulled the dagger out after casting a pain-killing curse on me, but it was already too late. The silver had already got into my system, it was already destroying me from the inside.  
  
Now I feel its burn. I feel the fire inside me as it crawls in my veins, poisoning my blood, turning my own body against me.  
  
I know I will die soon. And yet I don't know why.  
  
Why did I do that? You ask it, and I ask it myself also. I can see no explanations for my behaviour. It was an instictive action, that much is clear, but what caused the instict?  
  
Your fingers caress my cheek, softly, gently, and suddenly I realize it.  
  
I love you. I have loved for Merlin knows how long. That's why I took the hit meant to you, Severus - because I love you and didn't want you to die.  
  
"I love you," I say quietly, and manage a weak smile. Then I repeat, "I love you," just because the words taste good in my mouth, just because I like the way they sound when I say them aloud.  
  
You bite your lip to prevent the tears falling. Oh, my. Your unbreakable mask is breakable after all, then? There is pressure large enough to make you give in? I'm surprised, Severus. Surprised, and shocked - but definitely not disappointed.  
  
It feels good to lie this way. My head resting in your lap, your hands surrounding my head, steadying it as I begin to feel slightly unbalanced despite my low position. It feels good, and it feels right, and I know that I really did love you.  
  
"I love you, too," you whisper, now barely holding back your cry. You're on the emotional breaking point, I see it. Otherwise, your calm mask would never be this near being dropped. You never fail, Severus, never fail hiding your feelings.  
  
I feel so safe. I know that I love you, and you know that I love you. And now we both also know that you love me. Is there anything else to be asked for? No. This is more than many people ever get.  
  
I smell a lot of things around here. I smell your sweat from the fight, the little traces of magic as the curses fade away around us. I smell your distress and sorrow, and your helpless fury as you can't do anything.  
  
I smell also blood, and I know it's my own.  
  
"Goodbye, Severus," I whisper. I try to raise a hand to stroke your cheek, to touch you the one last time, but I don't have the strength to do so. I'd want to, desperately, but I just can't.  
  
"Goodbye, Remus," you whisper back, and now the tears finally fill your eyes. "Goodbye, Remus dear, and farewell."  
  
You lean forward and place a soft, lingering kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes tiredly as my vision gets fuzzy. I feel the heat in my body running lower and lower every moment.  
  
I feel your lips on my face, kissing my forehead, my brow, my eyelids, I hear your voice whispering gentle goodbyes to me.  
  
It's good to fall asleep this way.  
  
It's good to die loved. 


End file.
